I Can Be the One You Call [Shy/Delroy]

[marguerite harvard d2a (zori)]

He’d wanted to hesitate when she’d asked him. It felt as though this was just another thing being slung on his back to carry. What did she expect of him, in the face of near certain death, that he was supposed to put his neck out for a boy he didn’t even know?

But if Carmen Stirling had been one thing, it was persuasive to a fault.

It’d been the first games that he’d watched proper, the eightieth.

She’d shown such mettle that the whole district had been proud of her. And when she’d gone ahead and sacrificed her life for a boy that she’d known for less than week, it solidified her to a sort of saintly status that he didn’t think would ever fade. At least, not for a good while. Even as she’d stood in the justice building then and there, Delroy had felt starstruck, he supposed. As though someone who’d seen too much and knew so much better than he did, was asking him to do the right thing.

Delroy found himself staring at Shy Aubergine from the end of the line in the mess hall. His tray in hand, he felt as though his feet were stuck to the tiles underneath.

Six years ago, he’d fought his way from start to the very end. And even if Shy had been first to fall out of the four, it’d still meant he’d made it. Things could’ve easily gone the other way, and for a boy of twelve, he’d always have pushed past the odds anyone had given him.

What was it like being back here? Delroy wondered. He swallowed down the rest of what twisted in his throat, and started on his way over.

“Shy Aubergine,” Delroy put his try down onto the table and started to slide in across from him, “What’s up, bud?” He started pulling his utensils out of the little plastic packets and cutting through the warm biscuit at the side of his plate. “I thought I would come over and introduce myself,” Which wasn’t a totally awkward way for this to start, Delroy wanted to add.

“Delroy Wickersham. Eleven. Smartest boy in the district,” He added the last part as a flourish, “And I’m here to say,” I leaned back to take a bite of the biscuit, “That we ought to get to know each other.”

[uwu]

I wanted to gouge out my eyes when they brought us into the training center this morning. For starters, I didn't need to be apart of the group. I've already been through the whole spiel before. Once it ended everyone else decided to swarm to the places I wanted to be so I ended up in the plant station so I could be alone. I caught a few people give me quick glances and even caught others straight-up staring. How rude do you have to be to stare, even after I notice? I'm not anyone special, nor am I a zoo animal. There isn't anything to look at.

By the time lunch came around, I wore myself out with the stupid plants. While grabbing food, I avoided getting anything that might have resembled them. I know learning about them is important at all, but goddamn it's boring. I did catch the eyes of another tribute towards the end of the line, the male from one of the lower districts, but like with everyone else, I ignored him. I scout off to a place where I could easily see everyone else and figure the corner is the best area to sit.

I manage to shove some chicken alfredo into my mouth before I notice the boy from earlier walking towards me. God damn it. He better not be coming over here. “Shy Aubergine. What’s up, bud?" He sits down before I have time to answer. "I thought I would come over and introduce myself." I stop chewing entirely to give him a deadpan stare before slowly mashing what's left in my mouth. This man has the AUDACITY to come over here, sit down, and talk with me? Is there something wrong with him?

“Delroy Wickersham. Eleven. Smartest boy in the district." The WHOLE district? Uh-huh. "And I’m here to say that we ought to get to know each other." I put my silverware down and look around the cafeteria, swallowing what's in my mouth. Other tributes chat among themselves happily. The majority if not all of them look friendlier than I do, or at least I think they do. Out of EVERYONE in this entire cafeteria, he chose me.

"Why?" I don't know him and I don't trust him. I'm not my nïave self when I entered here for the first time. Past me would have accepted him instantly simply because he talked to me first. Now? Who the hell does he think he is trying to be all friendly? Unlike these games, my allies got the chance to live afterward. This time no one will be that lucky. I'm not getting close to anyone only to lose them. He doesn't get my sympathy until he earns it.

[marguerite harvard d2a (zori)]

Delroy chewed through Shy’s terse reply and raised a finger in reply.

“A good question bud,” He put his hands together as though he were about to pray, but instead pointed his fingers in Shy’s direction. This kid was a career and the last thing Del needed before training had kicked off was pissing him off. Except he was already in motion and couldn’t be stopped when he believed what he was doing was the right thing. Del was a locomotive running full tilt toward the next station, right where Shy was.

“You’ve been through all this before, which… shouldn’t be news to you,” He gave a grin. “And they somehow decided it’d be some sort of sick joke to get you back in again. Now, I think all of us – well, at least me, anyway – know that ain’t right. Going through hell and back again.”

If it had been him? He wasn’t sure if he’d been brought to the capitol by train or in a body bag. They had the gall to force this kid to be ripped apart and brought back to life, then trot him out for a second go around. And if he died? Must not have been that big of a deal to any of them in the long run. Which was how the capitol always operated, but ever since Snow had kicked the bucket, felt recklessly cruel.

“And there’s plenty of folks back in eleven that think that,” Delroy scooped up a fork full of mashed potatoes and took a bite. He could still imagine Carmen explaining it all to him. There was nothing better than watching her expound on fairness, passionate as she was. If he ever made it back to eleven, he had half a mind to try and marry that girl. Or at the least, get her to go on a date or two with him.

“Carmen Stirling sent me,” Delroy said at last. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and stared over at Shy. “I’m a man of my word, and I said I’d do what I could to help you. For her.”

[uwu]

As soon as he lifted up his finger, every instinct I had told me to get up and walk away. "A good question bud." Bud? BUD??? I am not your BUD. Fuck off, mate. My teeth clamp down onto my tongue. Shut up, Shy. Sometimes people can be good people. Just let him speak. Maybe he can provide something useful.

“You’ve been through all this before, which… shouldn’t be news to you." He gives me a smile which I reciprocate. “And they somehow decided it’d be some sort of sick joke to get you back in again. Now, I think all of us – well, at least me, anyway – know that ain’t right. Going through hell and back again.” Oh well I guess he's a fan. I stab a noodle and bring it to my mouth, chewing it slowly before I respond, but I take too long and he continues.

“And there’s plenty of folks back in eleven that think that.” I know that isn't true to the slightest, but the thought of people from another district that I don't even know that about me makes my insides tingle, and a smile to stretch across my face before I remember where I am and my body destroys any remaining serotonin inside my mind.

“Carmen Stirling sent me.” My heart skips a beat, and my brain decides that maybe it shouldn't have destroyed all of the happy juice. Carmen? Flashbacks from Fiona's wedding appear in my mind. Was that really the last time I saw her? That wasn't too long ago, but maybe I should have made more of an effort to talk to her. She was there, right? “I’m a man of my word, and I said I’d do what I could to help you. For her.” I put my silverware down and give him all my attention, but realize he's done talking.


"First things first, I appreciate the sentiment, but keep it for yourself." I cover my mouth with a napkin as a burp quietly erupts before I continue. "Secondly, I don't need your help. If you want to work together, for Carmen, be my guest, but I'm capable of surviving on my own." If I manage to survive this, I'll need to talk to her again. Silverware goes back in hand and I continue politely shoveling food in my face. Shit, was that an acceptable thing to say? Whatever. "How's Carmen by the way? I think I saw her at another friend's wedding a few days before the reaping, but wasn't able to catch up with her."

[marguerite harvard d2a (zori)]

Delroy wasn’t sure what to have expected from Shy. He had younger brothers, so he was used to the way boys would kick up a fuss when he offered his help. Something about the need to prove how tough they were that was beaten into them by panem’s patriarchy Delroy had tried to unravel over and over again seemed to rise up in Shy, too. And what had he thought? That this kid who’d already been through the games, who didn’t know him from anyone else, was just going to sit back and accept his help?

District Eleven wasn’t exactly known as being fans of careers as it was. He’d listened to Vasco give speeches about the need for unity among all the districts, but anyone with a keen ear could hear the mayor focus a lot more time on the hardscrabble districts like eight, nine, or ten than one, two or four. They had a different way of life there, one that was supposed to mete out justice with violence.

He wasn’t sure what kind of boy he would’ve been if he’d grown up that way.

“She’s all right. Worried about you.” Delroy twisted his fork between his fingers and stared down on the tray. He felt guilty. Did this count as playing the game, trying to help this other boy survive? He’d been a casualty once before. Everyone else should’ve been willing to cut him some slack, if it weren’t for the fear of having to die for it. Fucking sucks, Delroy wanted to say, but the boy was already at arm’s length.

“Look, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think it was a promise worth keeping. So you don’t have to accept my help but from what I know it’s a lot easier to get by with someone by your side than alone. And – I don’t know, it’s what we’re taught back in eleven, that everyone’s worth taking a chance on. You hold out your hand for them and if they accept it, fight like hell for them. With them. Alongside them.”

This was a small act of rebellion in a way. Acting selflessly, or as close to it as he could.

“One thing you’ll learn about me, is that I think we’d all be a whole lot braver if we decided to stand together in the bloodbath and not do a damn thing.”

[uwu]

He mentioned something about how she cared about me or whatever but it was hard to hear over whatever crunchy thing I was chewing on. A chip must have fallen onto my fork without me noticing until then but it doesn't matter. Yes it does fucking matter because when the hell did I get chips? My fork rummages throw my food, foraging for any other foreign objects in my noodles and chicken as the 11 boy continues.

"Look, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think it was a promise worth keeping. So you don’t have to accept my help but from what I know it’s a lot easier to get by with someone by your side--" Nope. At that point, I tuned him out but nodded my head along until his voice finished talking. My food had no more objects that could be deemed as crunchy. What the fuck was that thing I ate? I really hope it was just a chip. “One thing you’ll learn about me, is that I think we’d all be a whole lot braver if we decided to stand together in the bloodbath and not do a damn thing.” Oh he wasn't done talking.

"I already told you I wouldn't mind working with you. If you want to call it 'help,'" I add finger quotes, "fine. WHatever. Company in the arena is nice, but not mandatory. Now about being brave." My brain churns out thoughts on his concept, creating ways to respond to him without coming off as an asshat. "There's... a difference between being brave and being stupid." I pause. "Violence isn't always pretty, but doing nothing doesn't make you look like a bigger person, but as long as you know when do to shoot your shot..." You're rambling at this point. Just stop. "Whatever you do, do what you truly believe is right." I finish off my food and wait for any response he might have.

[marguerite harvard d2a (zori)]

Shy conceded that he’d let Delroy help, if that was what he truly wanted. Del let go of the breath he was holding and rolled his shoulders. Okay. He’d get a chance to stand side by side with the survivor from two and maybe they’d last a few days or have their heads bashed in during the bloodbath. But at least he could check off the promise he’d made from his list.

“All right man, that’s all I wanted to know. You and me get to be a team, I won’t push you.” Delroy leaned his elbows over the table and rested his hands under his chin. Shy didn’t sound too keen on his plan and while it didn’t both him, Delroy wasn’t about to be turned away from it. After all, he’d thought it as something brilliant that was both an homage to history as it was a way to piss the gamemakers and capitolites off. And if anything was worth doing, it would be to drain the smiles from all of their faces with what he wanted the other tributes to do.

“I hear you, I don’t expect every single one of us would want to. People have been trained that we all have to go and kill each other. Some of them probably get some sort of thrill out of it,” Delroy said as he scooped up a chunk of jello from a bowl on his tray. As he chewed, he wiggled his spoon in Shy’s direction. “But what kind of message does it send to the kids at home that some of us are willing to stand in that bloodbath and not do a damn thing. Not because we’re afraid, but because we want the world to know we don’t want to fucking play?”