pick your poison . cato/killian

[cass]

A S T E R

Breakfast had been nothing special. A bowl of food marked with her name sitting in the fridge. It had been small and left a bitter aftertaste her mouth that had made her stomach curl. Had it been out of date? No, it seemed unlikely. Regardless of their treatment within this house, feeding them expired food meant less training time. It’d be sacrificed to allow them to recover, and wasting time was not an element Victor, Octavia or Killian appreciated.

Aster groaned, fingers pressing into her belly as she stumbled down the hallway. The mornings training had come and gone, Victor’s yelling echoing through the halls as he’d scaled her from start to finish. The pieces didn’t fit together and trying to figure out why she wanted to simply lie down and die was too much effort. The world spun before her, and Aster paused, lip curling as she pushed a hand against the way to stop herself from falling.

Was she going to be sick? No, this felt different. Created from a nightmare as it carried itself through her entire body. It raced its way down her limbs until her legs trembled and her skin ached. Sweat beaded her forehead, a drip running down her cheek as she closed her eyes to steady the nausea that threatened to break her apart. What was happening?

One minute she was eating breakfast, the next-

Her eyes widened, staring into the gloomy darkness before her as realisation sunk into the pit of her stomach like burning coal.

Poison.

It made sense. Killian had feed her book after book, filling her time with pages littered with obscure names of plants and animals that could kill a person with little more than a carefully crafted potion. She swallowed, fingers curling against the wall as she took an uneasy step forward. His offhanded comments about teaching her felt a little more terrifying. The reality of the situation sinking in further and further as she moved towards his office and library.

He’d done this to her. For what? To force her to learn quicker. To teach her about a poison's strength by forcing her to endure its power. It could be any of them, or maybe she had simply upset him, and this was his personal way of retaliating.

Was this how she was going to die?

She bit her lip, inching her way closer and closer to his office as the heat crawled across her cheeks. She felt dizzy, the world spinning more violently with every step. Her heart echoed within her chest, thumping faster and faster as the panic rose within her. I don’t want to die. This wasn’t how she wanted it to end, not here. She was supposed to grow old, wrapped in warmth and living with her family.

Calm down, Aster commanded, a low groan escaping her lips as his door came within her sight. The thousands of words she’d read were part of the solution before her. She could ask him for the antidote.

He was testing her, wasn’t he? An incredibly cruel but efficient test to see if she had truly been paying attention to his teachings. Controlling her breathing and racing heart would be the first task. Poison spread more quickly when your heartbeat was out of control, following through the veins as you pumped more and more blood through your body. Her hand thumped against the wood of Killian’s office door; teeth gritted in pain.

“Killian,” she called, words caught in her dry throat, “open the door, please.”

I don’t want to die.

S T R A U S S

kaitlin

[Cato]

K I L L I A N   S T R A U S S

The moon shines through the windows of the library as I pace back and forth. Training these children, and turning them into what they're supposed to be is important. This year they failed to provide, and now I must increase the training. The physical training is hard enough, but I need more mental training. Books can teach people everything they need to know whereas throwing punches might not help out in a way they would imagine. Aster is the only one who has shown any interest in the books I have, so it's time I move on to her next lesson.

Breakfast has been made, yet nobody else is awake yet. I grab a poison from the back of the library, and I leave the room behind. Once I'm in the kitchen, I carefully make my way towards the refrigerator. All the bowls are sitting inside, and I find the one with her name on it. A couple of drops will do the trick. It's not enough to kill her, but it's enough to make her feel the pain and misery and make her feel like she could die at any given moment. Survival is important, and knowing what to do when it gets inside is important. Once it's all in place, I slowly make my way back to the library where I grab the antidote and wait.

A sinister grin spreads across my face as I grab a book from a shelf. I know they'll be stirring soon, so I simply recline in my chair propping a foot on the desk. Reading is one of my favorite things to do. It helps pass time. It gives me a chance to sit alone away from everyone in peace and quiet. I've read every book in this library though, yet I've learned that reading them over and over helps me pick up on pieces of information that might've been missed before. It's simple really, and knowing exactly where to turn in each book is important. It's saved my life a few times. Knowing which poison is which. Knowing how to cure it. How much is deadly vs how much will cause a nasty stomach ache.

A thump on my door draws my attention back to reality, and I hear Aster's voice calling from outside. She wants me to open the door. She wants to come in. I place the book on the table, and next to the book I place the antidote. It's in sight where she can see it, but first I have a few questions. "I'll open the door if you can answer this question." I pause for a moment. "Name a symptom you're experiencing?" I look around, and for a moment part of me wonders if I got the dosage wrong. Mistakes happen sometimes, and I'm not about to let her die if that is the case. I reach forward opening the door beckoning her inside closing the door behind her. Training has begun, and I want her to learn before it's too

[cass]

A S T E R

He teased her; she could almost picture the glint in his eyes as he demanded answers for her life. She groaned, biting back her retort as the pain blew more violently into her abdomen. Biting her lip her fingers dig into the wood, it’s through clenched teeth that she’s able to spit out her reply,

“Abdominal pain, sweats, rapid heartbeat, naus-.”

It was enough. The door before her opened and she stumbled forwards. Unable to catch herself she fell to the ground, crawling into his office as he shut the door behind her. At least she’d have a little bit of privacy if she died here. How kind of him. The words that had filled her world this past year hadn’t been able to properly describe the suffering one goes through when they’re poisoned.

Aster turned to Killian; face screwed up in pain. Even as her eyes blurred from the tears that slipped down her cheeks, she noticed the small glass vial in his hand. That had to be the antidote. At that moment she almost begged him for it, unable to fight against the overwhelming pain that shot through her body. She’d never felt anything like this, not when she’d broken her arm when she was six. Not when she’d accidentally burnt her hand on the kettle as she’d tried to make tea.

She’d wasn’t built for this. She wasn’t like the rest of the kids in this house. She couldn’t stop herself from crying out as her body was set on fire, and her mind wandered through the darkness. Her arms wrapped themselves around her knees as she curled herself into a tight ball. Her gaze slipped from Killian’s as she switched her focus to the thousand books that lined the walls of his office. The next cry that threatened to pull itself from her lips was cut off as she dug her fingers into her legs, desperate to protect some small amount of her dignity in front of Killian.

What would it take for him to give her the antidote? Did he just want to watch her suffer? Show her what he was capable of and how she had no power. No, it couldn’t be that. There was an answer here, buried in her mind, but the pain kept pushing her train of thought off the rails.

“What do you want, Killian?” She gasped, fingers digging in tighter as blood pooled against her palms. He didn’t move to give her the antidote, he didn’t try and ease her pain or promise that it’d be over soon. He wasn’t that kind of man. He was built from books and knowledge and desperate to impart that gift to others. Analytical and cruel to the point that he’d-

She knew what he wanted. Of course, she knew what he wanted.

“The poison-“ she spat the words through clenched teeth, fighting another blow of pain as it tore through her body. “You want me to name it.”

There was no question in her words. A statement, plain and simple. There was no denying it.

But how?

The books she’d read on plants and poisons had covered over a thousand different toxins. She couldn’t remember the specifics of them all, that was too much. How could he expect her to remember every single one of them? It was impossible. The panic rose quickly, entwining itself with her fear as she turned her gaze back to Killian.

She was going to die. She couldn’t do this. She didn’t know what it was. There were too many. She’d read about so many of them, devouring the pages in delight as she’d learned about all their secrets. But to remember them all? She scrambled, mind reeling as she tried to even piece together the first few pages of the last book she’d read.

I can’t do this.

“I- I don’t know which one it is.”

He wouldn’t accept that as an answer.

S T R A U S S

kaitlin

[Cato]

K I L L I A N   S T R A U S S

She's frantic which isn't going to help her any, of course I can't blame her though. The pain from the poison is agonizing, and I wouldn't want to experience. I have once before as a test, and it wasn't pleasant. I watch as she comes through the door, and I watch her facial expression contort as she writhes around in pain. The tears were tears of weakness; Aster should know better than crying, yet I don't say a word. It's almost a sweet music to my ears, but I keep my face clear of emotions. The slightest hint of amusement sometimes is taken the wrong way, and that isn't what I want here.

This is a test to see how strong she is. Knowing the poison, and knowing what it can do can help find the antidote needed quickly. It can give an advantage especially being able to think without any fear. I've said over and over to not get consumed by the pain, but it seems some aren't capable of listening. She asks me what I want, and the answer is simple. I want her to tell me what the poison is. She's read so many books. She's explored this library, turned through the pages of literature on the shelves. She should know.

Some might say this is cruel, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm teaching a lesson, and Aster can learn from this, so if it ever happens again she'll come back stronger and ready to go. It's like it all clicks for her. She says what I want, and I pick up the antidote in my hand. All it takes is for her to give me the right answer, and I'll give this to her. Or I could just let her suffer a little longer. Show her what it's like when the pain is more than anyone can handle. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't think she's strong enough, and I want to prove to her that she is stronger. Maybe not as strong in fighting, but when it comes to the mental strength. She has to know just how strong she is.

"All I need is the name of the poison, and this is yours." I keep my voice clear of any emotion. I don't want her disappointing me, and if she knew that I feel a little bad for what's she's going through, she may try to take full advantage. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't feel bad at all. In fact, any emotion I showed right now would simply mock her, and beating her down while she's like this isn't on my bucket list for today. I twist the vial in my fingers as I shrug my shoulders before sitting back down in my recliner and propping my feet up on the table.

[cass]

A S T E R

The words that come from his mouth are exactly what she was expecting to hear. But even then, they stripped away another part of her, exposing her from within as her fingers dug into her wrists. She gritted her teeth, turning her gaze away from his eyes she tried to focus on the hundreds of books that covered his office walls. It didn’t really help, the aching convulsions that tore apart her abdomen mad sure of it.

She dug in harder, skin splitting where her nails pushed. The pain that came from those wounds barely registered and she bit her tongue hard, the taste of iron filling her mouth as she tried to stop herself from screaming. This was more then she could handle. She wasn’t carved from stone, she was hay, stuck together with a few pieces of string. Bits of her falling out, unable to even keep herself together let alone fight against poison.

The lack of emotion in Killian’s voice struck her like a whip. She couldn’t look at him any longer, and she trained her teary gaze on the first book she had read when she had arrived. The words were blurry and trying to piece together even just the title was almost too much.

100 Ways to Poison Someone.

The answer to this problem was right in front of her, spilling across a dozen pages and tucked away in some place in her mind. She was sure it would be an answer on one of those pages. That book had spent its time teaching her about poisons that made the victim suffer before they killed. Only the last ten or so had been quick and lethal. It had felt like reading the words of a psychopath, twisted and dark as they’d promised your victim hours of pain and anguish before their eventual demise.

Come on, Aster, you can do this.

A dribble of blood slipped past her lips as she narrowed her gaze, fighting against another wave of soul-destroying pain. A small whimper escaped her lips and she was sure that was a sound she’d ever regret making in front of Killian. She curled herself in tighter, mind racing to flick through ninety possible answers as the time ticked onwards.

Had he given her enough to kill her? Or was this just a glimpse at the world others had been forced to endure? Part of her wanted to believe that he’d showed restraint- held back to make sure she wouldn’t die. But that was naïve.

“Palpatations, sweating, nausea-“

Her stomach heaved and she vomited all over herself, the mess spilling onto the floor beside her as she gasped for air.

“Vomiting,” she croaked, each of the symptoms running through her mind. “Abdominal pain means that at least thirty of them are gone, those have a preference for chest pain.”

That still left sixty other poisons. Which one? The stench of vomit made her want to throw up even more. She couldn’t escape it, it covered her clothes, she was sure it was in her hair. Maybe-

Aster’s eyes widened and she turned her gaze to the mess before her, eyes trying to focus on the vomit that covered her shirt. Small purple flecks littered her vomit and a wave of complete and utter relief washed over her.

“Carmelbon turns purple when it interacts with stomach acid,” she said, a triumphant glint in her eyes as she looked at Killian. She grimaced, wiping the vomit from her cheek. It’s carmelbon, right?”

S T R A U S S

kaitlin

[Cato]

K I L L I A N   S T R A U S S

I twirl the antidote in my hand almost ready to throw it at her, but I know she's capable of figuring this out. All it takes is a moment, and maybe she can become stronger. Sometimes I wonder if it's too much to ask for especially watching her now as she writhes in pain twisting around. It's reaching a point where it needs to come to an end before she reaches the point of no return. Even I wouldn't want that, or would I? Here my goal isn't to kill the innocent, they're to do that on their own if any of them refuse to volunteer for the hunger games. My goal is to make them stronger, to give them a chance to keep themselves alive. Of course the odds of them winning is slim to none, but it gives them a chance to prove themselves.

Aster starts naming symptoms, and I watch her close wondering if she's on the right path, and then she covers the floor of my library with vomit. Someone will clean it up later, but for now my eyes are focused on her, and my grip around the antidote grows tighter and tighter, and if I wasn't using this as a way to train, I'd simply hand it to her. She's getting closer, and to see her fighting through it nearly brings a smile to my face. Right now emotions don't have a place here. I have learned that staying quiet can make the lessons even stronger, and that is exactly what I hope for. Sometimes poisonous mutts are released into the games, and figuring out how to survive with the poison is important.

I look away for a moment, and I'm about to open my mouth and speak when she speaks the word I want to hear. She's finally figured it out. She's finally answered the question I've been wondering. A smile spreads from ear to ear as I begin applauding her for overcoming the obstacle I've placed before her. She's one step closer to being stronger. She's one step closer to learning more about the dangers lingering within the world. "Very good." For the first time I allow my voice to have excitement to it instead of being toneless. I allow it to show that I am indeed proud of her. "You've done well."

I carefully slide my hand into my pocket and pull out the vial of poison that was used showing it to her. She was never in any danger. None at all because I wouldn't have killed my protege. It's dumb, foolish, and yet to think that something so small can cause so much damage is hard to think about. I am not a foolish man, and knowing where to draw the line is important. Some might cross it, but I am not one of them. "You were never in any life threatening danger." Of course it's up to her to believe it. If she wants to think it's true, I cannot change her mind, but right now I can help ease the symptoms.

I hand her the vial of antidote as I lean down beside her trying not to get too close. The stench of the vomit burns my nose, yet I refuse to let her see it. Many times people have covered my floor, and many times I've made them clean it up as a lesson. I think she's had enough though. Maybe next time, if there is a next time, I'll take it one step further. "What's some lessons you've learned from this?" Hopefully it's many. Hopefully to stay calm under dire situations like these. Hopefully to fight the antigen, but for now I do not know. She has to make that decision for herself. If she hasn't learned, it just shows me I have to step it up a notch which I'm more than willing to do.

[cass]

A S T E R

A smile spread across Killian’s face and the tightness around my chest loosened. Relief washed itself over her body, drowning out the nightmare that had begun to creep into her veins. Her head flopped against the ground, echoing spikes of pain raging through her body as she succumbed to the suffering. She let it swallow her, closing her eyes as she bit into her lip to stop herself from screaming.

Soak it in, she told herself. Engrave this feeling into the very fabric of her being so she cannot forget. It was a lesson designed to put her into her place, to remind her of who she was and who she now belonged to. Pain, she was learning, was something she would never be able to escape again. It was embedded within the walls, floors and windows of this house, it filled her pours and rang within her dreams. She couldn’t run far or fast enough to escape it. The only option left was to be enveloped by it and learn how to stand up and against it.

Killian knelt down beside her, speaking words that did nothing to alleviate her mind. She didn’t believe him; it was another lesson she had already learned. Don’t trust the words spoken by anyone in this house, they’re all vipers waiting to strike. Cruel and callous beings that cannot see beyond their own desires, pushing until the children beneath them submit or break.

Aster’s fingers shook as she grabbed the antidote, nails clawing into the stopper as she drew it to her lips. It was bitter and she choked on it as she swallowed the contents of the small vial. The liquid burned as it made its way down her throat, the relief she had expected did not arrive. Another lie told by stories; the effects of antidotes were not immediate. So, she remained there, lying in her own vomit as she pressed her eyes shut tightly, hoping that the pain would slowly start to disappear.

“There’s nothing quite as effective as living through the experience,” each word seemed to take a moment, halting and broken as they were pulled from her raw and aching throat. Aster opened her eyes, dull gaze flickering to the blank canvas of the roof as she tried to gather her scattered thoughts. “I need to be more careful about what I eat.”

She’d be checking every meal and drink she had from now on. She would not let Killian get the better of her again. The thought of lying at his complete mercy on his office floor as he watched her die- A shiver ran through her body, and she swallowed, tongue thick in her throat.

“Antidotes don’t work very quickly.” Was she going to throw up again? She’d already embarrassed herself enough in front of him. Revealed every inch of weakness, unable to stop herself from showing him just how weak she was.

Silence reigned between them, the gentle tick, tick, tick of his office clock filling the time. After a long moment, she cocked her head, resting her gaze on Killian. “I want to become immune to poisons, can you teach me how?”

Sell you soul to the devil, Aster, he’ll keep you safe.

S T R A U S S

kaitlin