scout godfrey. twelve. fin cb

[nolan goode 10m / kaitlin.]

  



scout godfrey
eighteen


✦

❛ kindness, kindness, kindness. i want to make a new year's prayer, not a resolution. i'm praying for courage. ❜

                    — susan sontag

[nolan goode 10m / kaitlin.]

  

Once upon a time, I think I was happier. I think I must have been. I don't know how else to explain why I am the way that I am now, why I am I sit alone in my bedroom and wrap my arms around my knees and know that I don't have anywhere to go and it hurts so badly that I don't because once upon a time, I did. Is that a sad thing to admit? I'm not sure which one is worse, the fact that I'm alone now, or the fact that I was abandoned by the one person that I thought would always be there, the fact that the one person whose bed I used to crawl into probably locks their window at night now. I feel like she shouldn't have been that important, maybe. Like it's surely my fault that now, years later, there's still no one else. But it feels like there's this hole somewhere inside of me that I don't know how to fill up, like she was the only one who ever knew how to make me happy, how to make me smile. My best friend, my other half, the only person in the world who saw me and knew me and understood the things that tore me up inside. The nightmares that plague me every single night, the things that I don't know how to talk about except the scribble them across any spare surface I can get my hands on with spare bits of charcoal. I don't how how to say how scary it is being alone in the world. I don't know how to say maybe I did it to myself.

[nolan goode 10m / kaitlin.]

fin ♡ ᴥ

[ final ratmas cb from last year ! ]

[ᴥ]

i cannot put into words how much u have broken me in less than 300 words
this is my baby now