this is me trying | cecily&beau

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

cecily d e e r l i n g

"Yes, I find you annoying."

I've always struggled with my honesty. And not in the way you'd expect, either. That'd be way too easy. Have a habit of dropping a few white lies here and there? Aw, that's so nice. Try never being able to keep anything to yourself. What even is that? My only guess is that I pissed off some deity in a past life, and now I've been cursed to only tell the truth. I don't have a single secret of my own.

I can't have any at all.

"But, if it helps, I also find you persistent." I pause for just a moment, trying to compose myself. "Which, sure, sounds like I'm calling you annoying again, but it's a compliment. I swear." It's natural to laugh at what I say. If anything, sharing a lunch table with him fills me with some sort of anxious glee. In the way that the thought of admitting I'm excited to be noticed by him makes me want to grind my teeth down to nubs.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

I know many boys like Beau Bravina. I used to think there was no difference between them. However, he's proven himself a nicer guy than I ever gave him credit for. Which kind of just pisses me off. Because he gets sit on a pedestal his whole life, rich and attractive and popular, and still have a fucking conscience? That's so unfair. The stereotype I always resented is a better person than I am. Go figure.

"And, I'll admit, going behind you in the lunch line is proving to be worth the risk." I chuckle again, kind of amused with how my bluntness causes me to share every passing thought in my head. I can't leave anything unsaid. "The lunch ladies put out a fresh batch of fries whenever they see you coming. They're obsessed with you." I pluck a potato wedge from my tray, tossing it into my mouth.

"It's not even stale!" I say gracelessly, and joyously, between chews. "C'mon, you can't tell me this isn't why you're so clinically nice all the time. There's got to be some sort of trauma hiding behind all that bravado." It's not my place to comment, but of course, I can't stop myself from doing anything but. My eyes are always trained on the shortcomings of a person. I set them up to fail.

I chuckle, smile awkwardly, swallow the sound.

Stare at him.

"Sorry. Uh, I can be annoying, too. Shockingly enough."

I turn away from his dark eyes.

Watch the clock on the wall march through time.

"Like calls to like, I guess."