what it means to be strong.— [six/bubby]

[Deleted]

This took a lot of bravery that Six didn't even know that he had and he wasn't sure if he would be able to go through with it. What was he doing? Standing outside the door of Bubby Caro. The guy from district four. He had just seen his reaping video and it really struck something in Six. The tears, the look of heartbreak on his face. Bubby was expecting someone to do something and they didn't. Not only was his life ripped away from him that day, his heart was torn to pieces. Six understood that. He sort of felt the same way. He didn't show it on the stage, but as soon as he entered the justice building he began to sob. Then he fell to his knees and he prayed. Six O'Malley was from a religious family, but he was starting to stop believing in God. But that day he didn't know what else to do.

Then there were the visits with his family. Well, the two that they let him have. The other sixteen members of his family never even got a goodbye. He wasn't sure what hurt more, not getting to say goodbye or how his conversation with Lock went. With Fly it was pretty standard. He had to pretend everything was going to be okay to make his little sister feel better. He had to tell her that he was her big brother and he'd be okay. That he'd come back. Then there was Lock. Lock was his older brother by a year. And their conversation? Cut short. His guess was was that the peacekeepers guarding the door overheard him. He cried and Lock held him. But then he whispered to Lock if he thought that Six should try to make a run for it. They must have overheard.

Because what happened next was something that Six would never be able to wipe from his memories. The peacekeepers said it was time to go, but the boys refused. They held onto each other for dear life as they were ripped apart. One dragged Six out of the room as he screamed Locks name. Lock tried to go after his brother and ended up pinned to the ground. But a selfish part of Six wished that Lock was able to do something to stop them. A selfish part of Six wished that Lock did a distraction so he could escape. He knew he wouldn't want that to happen. He hated seeing his brother get hurt by the peacekeepers due to a simple pin and would never forgive himself if Lock got hurt worse because of him. He just was having trouble accepting his fate. He was sure Bubby was too. That's why he wanted to talk to him. He was tired of pretending to be brave. Pretending to be strong. Pretending that he didn't want to cry. And he was sure that Bubby was tired too.

That's when Six summoned up all of the courage and strength he could muster and knocked twice. Just twice. Part of him hoped he wasn't in there. That he was training or eating. He didn't think this kid was a career, but the upper districts still intimidated him. It felt like a separate world than district eleven. He felt almost like he was worth less than those from the upper districts because he was from eleven. It's probably because his whole life he was basically told by the capitol that he was worth less than them. How can you say that their lives are worth equal amounts when the upper districts get full stomachs every night? How can you say they're equal when some people in the upper districts don't even have to work and him and his fourteen siblings farmed from sunrise to sunset? He knew not to hold it against them though. He just figured that there was something inherently wrong with him. Maybe he was a sinner in his past life and living in district eleven and being reaped were his punishments.

Then, Bubby opened the door. Six just stared at him for a moment. He actually answered. For a moment Six felt like Icarus, was talking to someone like Bubby about something so personal flying too close to the sun? Was he going to burn up? Well now it was too late to change course. He was already here and Bubba had already answered. He cleared his throat before speaking. When he did speak his voice was soft, quiet. It was almost like a ghost speaking - though he would probably be a ghost soon. For even if he won, he'd just be a ghost of his former self. He didn't bother trying to look confident or brave or even forcing a smile. For the first time since he arrived here Six showed his true self as he spoke. A scared fifteen year old boy.

"You're uh Bubba right? I'm Six O'Malley from district eleven. I was hoping we could talk, if that's okay with you?"

[d4 Panda Scope [Gayton]]

Bubby Caro

---

My, my love had been frozen
Deep blue, but you painted me golden

---

It was surprisingly easy to sleep. I guess I assumed it would be nearly impossible, considering the circumstances. But I spent my days exhausting myself with training. And by that, of course I meant the panic attacks I had doing it.

But as I layed down for bed, thinking the evening might be over, there’s a knock on the door.

Could it be Beck or Annie? 

Areto? Late night conversations don’t seem like her forte.

It was a stranger. Well, kind of. I opened the door to see a tribute from another district. What was he doing on this floor? It was the freckled red head boy from Six. No, Eleven, his name was Six. I cocked my head, confused and cornered. He called me Bubba. That’s what my sister used to say before she could enunciate it correctly. I’m urged to correct him, but of course I don’t. It actually felt kind of nice. For someone who’d never seen District Four, he reminded me of home in a weird way. Speaking like my sister. But mostly his hair. Most of us from four were light blonde or bright red. Areto was an anomaly in the hair department. Not a lot of dark colors back home. But she felt out of place anyways. But this boy from Eleven, he looked like he was plucked right out of sand and dropped in the cornfields of Eleven. I knew boys in school who looked just like him.

“Um, uh yeah. Come one in, I guess. I’m Bubby-uh Bub. You can call me whatever you want um.. Sit down?” 


I pat the bed next to where I sat down. 

“What can I do for you?”

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it
I had a bad feeling

[Deleted]

He was surprised at Bubby letting him in immediately before questioning his motives further. It was almost Bubby trusted him before ever really knowing him. That honestly made Six really happy. That was because Six also felt as though he could trust Bubby. Him and Bubby didn't want to hurt anyone. They weren't here for money or glory or bloodshed, they were here to live despite both knowing that they would die. The video of Bubby's reaping told him everything he needed to know about Bubby, but he still wanted to give Bubby a reason to trust him so it wasn't a one way street.

He sat down on Bubby's bed and looked around, noticing the differences in their rooms. Bubby looked like someone from district four. Honestly he felt as though he could smell the saltwater coming off of him. Well, what he thought saltwater had smelled like. Six had never left the fields and orchards of district eleven and had no clue what the ocean smelled or looked like. Maybe if their conversation went well today he could ask Bubby about that stuff and Six could tell him what it's like living and working on a farm. He imagined Bubby's life was far more interesting, but he still thought he might be curious about district eleven.

He used a calming tone of the voice, the same tone of voice he used when telling his little sister Fly that he would try his hardest to come back for her. The same tone of voice his older brother Lock used when he told him that he thought he could win. He understood what he was talking was sensitive and it would be a lot of emotional labor for both of them. He hadn't told anyone about his breakdown when he had to leave his brother. No one but the Peacekeepers knew about his panic attack when he first entered the justice building. But he was here for a reason. Empathy. Bubby wasn't alone and Six desperately needed him to know that.

"I just- I uh- I um watched your video. I just wanted to let you know that you're not... you aren't alone, y'know? As soon as the cameras were gone I just started crying and crying... And you crying doesn't mean you aren't strong either."

[d4 Panda Scope [Gayton]]

Bubby Caro

---

My, my love had been frozen
Deep blue, but you painted me golden

---

I didn’t know what I was expecting from Six, but it certainly wasn’t kindness. But here he was, telling a stranger that he empathized with me.

“At least you made it until the cameras were gone,” I laughed, “The whole country thinks I’m the litter of District Four.”

It was a slippery slope, this connection. Moments before, Six O’Malley was a stranger, and with each word we are forming a bond. Whether we know it or not. But here in the Capitol, that’s a direct pipeline to heartbreak.

Outcome number one: one of us looks up into the night sky and see the stars morph into the face of the other, knowing the last friend we ever were allowed to make had slipped through the cracks of life and left marinating in our memories until the same omen of death reaps us in the coming days. This is the best case scenario.

Outcome number two: The stars learn twenty-two faces, none of which are ours. We’d lost our friends and allies, and now there’s just the two of us left. But only one gets to go home. And we find what is supposed to be our friend, and we rip each other to shreds. And we live the rest of our lives burdened by villains that look like ourselves. 

If we were smart, this conversation would live only in our heads, and never spoken allowed. We shouldn’t make room for friendship. But that’s the game. That must be why the game makers keep us in the same building. Why they let us mingle with each other. Why they encourage us to make friends and allies. So even the victor dies a little bit before going home. So they can hurt us just a little bit more.

It’s the Capitol’s game, and I played. 

“Thank you for saying that, Six,” I smile, “But you’re wrong. I know myself enough to know I’m not strong. But there’s no strength greater than being true to yourself. So I’m not weak either. I’m just alive.”

I matched his eyes and took a breath. And with a half-cracked smile I’d seen from Alistair so many times, I said, “For now.”

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it
I had a bad feeling

[Deleted]

Six knew that by reaching out to Bubba he was doing what the Capitol wanted, but he didn't care. He was tired of being lonely and scared. They wanted him to be scared, they wanted him to feel like he was slowly losing his humanity. And maybe it was slowly slipping away, but he'd do what he could to preserve little bits of it. Having emotions is about the human thing you could do, and he was going to make sure that human side of Bubby and Six stayed. They would keep each other human. Yes, they could cry alone at night, but it wasn't the same. They would be showing each other their humanity. That way even if one died, at least one person would know that they died human - and the Capitol lost.

When it comes to the Hunger Games, people always consider the victor to be the winner, but they weren't really. No, no one who competed won. The winner was the government. They were always the winner. Even if they refused to kill each other, the Gamemakers had ways to force them to kill. They did everything they could to take away their free will, all while saying this somehow promotes peace. He didn't get it. He didn't get how his parents so easily justified all of this violence. 

Maybe one good thing would come out of Six's death. His parents would finally open their eyes and see what these sick games do. His parents would realise they turn someone like Six - a sweet, timid boy into a monster and a sinner. They would finally realise that they had been wrong this whole time. Hopefully, at least, his death would make sure none of his siblings carried on his parents legacy of being for the Hunger Games and being Capitol supporters. He loved his parents still, even if he didn't always agree with their beliefs.

Bubby had said he wasn't strong nor was he weak, just alive. That really made him think. Six had always seen that as black or white, but with the idea of strength being a spectrum. It was hard to explain to him. For example, his little sister Fly. She was thirteen meaning physically she was weak. But her heart? She had the strongest heart of anyone he had ever met. His sister was destined for great things and she would find some way to help people, he was positive about that. He was just sad he wouldn't be there to see her do those amazing things.

"I think there's different types of strength. I'm weak physically. Look at me, look at my arms. I'm weak. But, I'm strong in other ways. I'm strong for my family. You're strong too, Bubba, you just need to figure out how."

This was hard to talk about, but he didn't want to end the conversation. He thought maybe Bubby might want to talk about his home district. Six knew that he himself was homesick and guessed that Bubby was too. Plus he was curious. What did the ocean smell like? In his mind, freedom. Because somewhere across that vast sea was a new land. A land where Panem, where the capitol, couldn't touch them.

"Can you tell me about district four? About the ocean? Everything?"