highs and lows.— [alex/harmon]

[Deleted]

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It was a cure for my worries - and for my loneliness. My friends haven't wanted to hang out as much ever since Thad got reaped, they said the whole thing is kind of a bummer. I've tried to fake being happy, like nothings wrong, but they can tell it's just not the same. But today, one of my friends had a solution. If I got high, the whole situation wouldn't be near as bad.

I saw his point. If I was high, I would be more relaxed. And maybe I would forget about Thad fighting for his life, just for a little while. I was a bit nervous. I've never done anything like this before. But, what was the worst that could happen? If my parents found out, they'd understand I only did it because I missed Thad, right?

I told him I'd try it. And he was right. I felt a whole lot better, like I was floating on air. I saw why Harmon liked doing this stuff so much. Especially with Thad gone. But, there was an issue. His parents would be coming home soon and so we all had to leave. My friends walked me back to my house, saying they didn't think I could find it on my own. They were probably right, I couldn't think about anything without having to fight a thick fog.

Once I got home and got inside, I saw Harmon sitting on the couch. I wanted to go talk to him, but I was super hungry first. So I went into the kitchen and grabbed the first snack food I could think of - leftover cookies that Quinn brought over. I took the whole plate before going back to the living room, plopping on the couch next to Harmon.

I wasn't even thinking about the fact I still smelled heavily of pot, but maybe if he was high he wouldn't even notice it. Though the way I munched on the cookies, gobbling them down in as few bites as possible, might have given away the truth. I was snuggling into the couch, curling up my body and rubbing my head against it like it was the softest couch in the world. As I spoke, I didn't bother making sure there wasn't food in my mouth first. Hey, I was hungry.

"...Haaarmoon. Whatcha doin' out here? What'sss goin' on?"

There was a delay going from my brain to my mouth. In my head my words sounded normal. But outloud? Spoken there was a pause before each thought and many of the words were either drawn out or cut short. This was my first high, so I was having trouble functioning under it as I shoved yet another cookie into my mouth. After asking Harmon about what was going on, I let out a loud yawn.

I remember my friend saying that the weed would relax me, but also make me tired. And the tiredness was now hitting me. I felt like I had just woken up from a nap or ate a big meal and got stuffed. I went from snuggling with the couch to using Harmon as a pillow, leaning my head into his arm and shoulder. I didn't realize how bad this looked from a "I'm not high I swear" perspective. Looking back, I'm grateful it was Harmon on that couch instead of Sammy or Larry.

alexander ‘alex’ pepperwood

[ table by ulla ]

[kap]

[googlefont="Merienda"]Harmon Pepperwood

Coping without Thad around was proving difficult. I was smoking more than usual on most days, today being one of the rare exceptions. I'd come down from a high a couple hours ago and hadn't gone back to it. Rather, I was sitting on the couch in our living room, watching television to keep my mind off of the things I knew that Thad was going through.

The show was pretty boring, admittedly, but it kept me distracted well enough. It wasn't about the Games, so that's all that really mattered to me. I didn't want to hear about anything that related to the Hunger Games in even the slightest regard. Rather, I sat here watching typical District Ten programming: some show about how livestock farming works, despite the fact that I know all the ins and outs of it already.

I often spend my time wrangling the livestock here on Pepperwood Farms anyway, so it's not like I'm learning anything new from the program that's showing its viewers how to calm an angered cow. I know this stuff already, but I suppose it's better than focusing on the Games coverage.

I watch the Games themselves when they're airing, since I feel the need to know what's going on with Thad, but I don't need to hear the commentators rambling about how "exciting" they are all the time.

As I was sitting on the couch, taking in the boring show on the television, Alex entered the house. He walked past me and went straight into to the kitchen. When he came back out of the kitchen and into the living room, he sat down next to me with a plate of cookies, and I could smell it.

It wasn't the cookies I smelled, though. No, he smelled like pot.

He barely chewed the cookies he ate, taking them in like a vacuum cleaner. He was also being super weird about the couch, snuggling into it and rubbing his head against it. I almost wanted to laugh. I definitely used to act that way the first several times I smoked. I suppose I've just gotten more used to it since then, as that isn't quite how I handle it now.

I was laced with concern, though, too, which is likely what prevented my laughter.

"...Haaarmoon. Whatcha doin' out here? What'sss goin' on?" Alex drawled. He yawned loudly and this time I did let out a slight chuckle.

After a moment, his head was no longer burying itself into the couch, but rather it was resting on my shoulder. I patted his head with my opposite hand.

"You okay there, buddy? You been smoking?" I asked.

It might've been a bit forward to ask right away, but I was mostly just curious as to which of his friends smoked, as he had been hanging out with friends before coming back home, and now he was most definitely high.

Hopefully he wouldn't get too upset about me catching on, but it was really quite obvious.

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I think part of me has always looked up to Harmon. It's normal to look up to older siblings, and I see in him everything I've always wanted to be. Cool, strong, tough, funny, confident around girls... yet he never seemed to want to let me tag along with him and Thad on all of their adventures. I get it, it's the same reason I don't let Sammy tag along with me. Why would you want your little brother around to babysit?

But, maybe wanting to be like him is part of the reason I said yes to the weed. I wanted to forget my struggles. I wanted my friends to hang out with me again. I wanted everything to feel normal again. But maybe more than all of that, I wanted to be like Harmon. A cool, strong guy who doesn't give a fu- damn about anything. And Harmon? He's shit at hiding the fact he's a stoner, if he's even bother hiding it at this point.

Harmon was out here going head to head with livestock twice his size, and yet I was getting tormented by the chickens on a daily basis. That's a big reason why I started working out. Ma and Pa said the reason I wasn't putting on as much muscle as Harmon was my age, that I'd put on more muscle when I got older. Maybe it's my age, or maybe they just don't want me to become a stoner like him. Well, it's a little too late for that now.

When Harmon patted my head, it was a comfort. Something familiar and relaxing for my high brain to cling to as I nuzzled his shoulder with my head. Harmon probably knew how much I wanted to be like him, and he probably found this whole thing funny as fuck. With my brain fogged over in a mix of relaxation and weed smoke, I wasn't really thinking before I spoke. Instead, I just said the first word that popped in my head - after a small delay between my brain and my mouth of course.

"Yeeeaaaah... just a lil' bit though, I ain't high or nothin'. You won't tell Ma and Pa, right Harm?"

After the initial delay, I realised what I had admitted to. I told my brother I had smoked weed. He could tell our parents. Sure, they had probably given up on Harmon being sober at this point, but they wouldn't be happy to find out I was smoking. They could make me stop hanging out with the guys. Or maybe even stop hanging out with all of my friends, with Quinn. I couldn't let that happen, Harmon would have to understand, right?

I could hear my Ma now "Alexander Pepperwood!" She didn't even call me Alexander when I was a in a little bit of trouble. When I was teasing Sammy or talking back it was always just "Alex!" or "Alex Pepperwood!". Alexander meant that I was screwed. And I have a feeling smoking weed at age fourteen would definitely be an Alexander moment - something I wanted to avoid at all costs.

alexander ‘alex’ pepperwood

[ table by ulla ]