simplicity.— [cayden/cleo]

[Deleted]

Sometimes it's the simple things that make everything worth it. When it feels easy to give up, it helps to have something to look forward to on a regular basis. Maybe you look forward to stopping by your favourite coffee shop every morning. Or you find comfort in attending church every Sunday. For me, the thing that keeps me going are picnics with my sister Cleo.

Maybe it's a little silly, but I like it. We get to sit and talk and eat food for hours. All without having to worry about anyone overhearing it. It's the only time I can ever be truly open with anyone, open with myself. Even if she doesn't realise it, our picnics are a lot of where my self-discovery happen. A conversation we had during one is what made me realize I'm gay.

Of course, our dad doesn't know about the picnics. He probably wouldn't let us go on them if he knew. They aren't manly enough or strong enough or some other excuse. His fragile masculinity really shows whenever I find joy in doing something. But because of this, I was extra nervous when he asked to talk to me about something just before the picnic.

I tried not to let my nervousness show. If I was nervous he would know I was hiding something. And he'd make me tell him. My dad knows how to make me crack. Spill everything. I don't even know if we'd get in trouble, but he'd probably want to know what we talk about and there the trouble lies.

But, I wasn't in trouble. Instead, he told me he got me a tutor. I already was doing training at the academy, training with him, and training with my siblings. How much training did he want me to do? Maybe he wanted me to finally live up to my name, to be a Valerie. Or maybe he wanted me to have yet another timeslot filled up so I can get my nose out of books. Either way, I was not impressed. But, I wasn't going to argue. Maybe once I got home, but not now. I wasn't going to let that ruin our picnic.

Instead I followed my normal routine when dealing with my dad. I kept my head down and stayed silent until I was absolutely sure he was done speaking then let out a soft 'yes sir'. After that I paused again to make sure he didn't have any final comments and then and only then did I end up leaving the room. I'm not scared of my dad, I just respect him. That's what I tell myself at least. The truth of that is a matter I'd rather not look into.

I grabbed my training bag from my bedroom then met Cleo at the front door. I was a few minutes late due to my dad suddenly pulling me aside and having that conversation with me and expected to see her waiting for me. But alas, Cleo was Cleo. And she was late, as usual. Fortunately, after another minute or two she showed up. I hoped she didn't see me get pulled aside, but she'd probably find out sooner or later.

"Cleo, are you ready to go 'train'? Did you remember to bring everything?"

[d4 Panda Scope [Gayton]]

Cleo Valerie

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A genuine attempt at happiness was more than we deserved, I’m sure. What I mean, was lying to our family and going behind their backs just to have a private conversation and a few laughs felt wrong. We shouldn’t have such a nice time together, knowing our brothers didn’t get the same. But I wasn’t willing to give it up, the lunches.

Cay and I made these a regular date, meeting up just to be free of the confines of our fathers ‘appropriate’. And honestly, spending so much time training was exhausting. I was always sore and tired. My body always felt like it was pushing against me. This afternoon picnic where I enjoyed Cayden’s secret recipes was such a reward for my body.

I dressed to train, dad would never be the wiser. A black sports bra that came halfway down my stomach and long black leggings. On my way to our spot I got lost in my thoughts and missed a couple important turns. So I was late, again.

But I arrived to a welcome chuckle to my brothers joke, “…Are you ready to ‘train’.”

“Not even in the slightest,” I laughed.

“Did you remember to bring everything?” he asked.

My face dropped in panic. I gesticulated my empty hands and met his eyes with a nervous, apologetic smile.

“I forgot I was supposed to bring anything, I’m so sorry”

[Deleted]

When Cleo forgot the one thing she was supposed to bring, I wasn't at all surprised. This was Cleo we were talking about after all. She was forgetful to say the least. And sometimes I felt like a walking Encyclopedia, perhaps sneaking away from training to study had something to do with it. There were times when it was hard to believe we were related. But that could be said for all of my siblings. Just look at Max and I.

Luckily, I had it covered. I watched as her face drop and waited a moment before breaking the news. I knew she was going to forget it. But, I was going to let it sink in. The disappointment in herself, the worry, the panic. And then I would hop in with the fact I had it. It didn't necessarily make me feel better, but it was nice to know I wasn't the only Valerie who had to feel that way. Though, it was always Dad that made me feel like that, never myself. And by now I had ways to cope with those emotions, with all of my emotions.

"Don't worry about it Cleo, I knew you were going to forget and brought what you were supposed to on top of the food. I brought all of the usual, but this time I made some banana bread too. I just thought some banana bread sounded nice, though it's better warm, it's still really fresh."

And with that, I took everything out of my training bag. First, the picnic blanket. I unfolded it and spread it on the ground. Then I pulled out the food and the drinks - bottles of water and juice. I spread everything out and arranged it by what course it was. Appetizers, entrees, sides,  and desserts. After that, I sorted them by flavor notes and theme. Even if it wasn't a ton of food, I liked things organised. And this way, Cleo would have an easier time figuring out what she wanted.