der schmerz (kaylan+sissy)

[bailee]

sissy caro

"There are no rules as to how you're supposed to feel," the guidance counsellor's words echoed through her brain. She knew something was wrong with her - she didn't feel anything. The reality of Bubby being reaped had come into fruition, leaving her home cold and empty knowing that he would not be returning. He was dead, gone, yet all Sissy could do was watch helplessly as her father consoled her mother, tears no stranger to her eyes as she sobbed, relinquishing in the feeling of grief and sorrow. 

Sissy did not feel anything but a sharp pain in her stomach, hunger calling her name despite the mountains of gift baskets and casseroles piling in their home. She didn't understand - all the stories she'd heard of grief involved the loss of appetite, yet strangers to her continued to knock on their door offering condolences and snacks. They continued to pile and pile - she had not seen her mother or her father eat much in days, yet hunger called to her.

Days prior, her sobs were rescued by Kaylan Wake, in the form of a reassuring squeeze of a hand and fresh homemade cookies. She needed out - out of this house, haunted by the Bubby's ghost, bleeding out in front of her as a smiling Mauve Morganstern stood over his dead body, relishing in the sweet sweet taste of death. The last time she had cried, she found comfort in Kaylan's chocolate chip cookies, and her mind told her that was the secret to containing her grief (and hunger). She knew instantly that a visit to Kaylan's would be in order.

She wrapped on Kaylan's door, the pounding of her small hands against the door sending seismic waves through the Wake's house. She desperately sought the comfort of her newfound friend. Sissy was a hurricane, the eye of her storm weaving its way into timid Kaylan's life. Yet she had never felt so connected to someone before, even in her few days of knowing him. He had already saw her at her worst - the only one, really, and she planned to keep it that way.

As the door creaked open, Sissy cleared her throat, pushing away all of the brutal and bloody thoughts of Bubby aside and spoke. "Kaylan," she greeted, "I need chocolate chip cookies." She knew her mother would have a conniption fit over her lack of manners if she were there.

[dovey]

KAYLAN WAKE

Kaylan did not see Bubby Caro die. His face was hidden in his big sister’s shirt, and she was stroking his hair and murmuring comforting nothings in his ear, and he was sobbing loud enough to mask the cries of pain that played through the TV speakers; so the death of the boy he had never met came and went without his knowledge, until Aileen kissed his forehead and murmured to him that it was over and the cameras had moved on. Then he clambered clumsily off her lap, and went to get a cookie from the kitchen, and then he shut himself in his own room and sat on the floor in the far corner and thought about Sissy.

He did not see her at school the next day, nor the day after that. She was probably at home with her family, he told himself – or it might even be just that they were in different grades, had schedules that didn’t lead them past each other in the halls. But he couldn’t stop himself from worrying. He wanted to check up on her, but he didn’t know where she lived, so all he could do was try not to hear the chatter in the lunchroom about Bubby’s death and hope hard that Sissy was all right.

As all right as she could be, anyway.

Now he’s lying on the floor in the living room, trying to concentrate on his pre-algebra assignment. But Sissy is on his mind again, and the worksheet in front of him might as well be written in code for all the sense he can make of it. He springs up as soon as he hears the first knock, seizing at the distraction, and calls out, “I’ll get it!” before he remembers that Aileen is out getting groceries. Leaving his math homework where it lies, he bounds over to the door and pulls it open.

When he sees who stands outside, surprise kills the greeting on his lips. It’s like he’s conjured her up with his thoughts – except this Sissy isn’t crying or screaming, which is both relieving and disorienting enough that he doesn’t say anything, just stands there blinking at her until she clears her throat and speaks.

"Kaylan," she says, "I need chocolate chip cookies."

“– Oh,” he says blankly, trying to parse this unexpected greeting. “Chocolate – oh.” He winces. “Me and Aileen ate the last ones yesterday.”

The sting of failure is sharp in his gut – can he not even give her this little bit of comfort? But then a thought strikes him, and he brightens. “We still have chocolate chips left, though!” he says. “And flour and stuff. We could make some more.”

He stands smiling for a moment, pleased at his problem-solving capabilities, then realizes abruptly that he’s still blocking the doorway. “Oh!” he says, and steps hastily aside. “Sorry – um – come in!”